OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
OCDiot: A person oscillating between the desire for order and chaos
That's right I am an OCDiot who is trying hard to experience wabi-sabi. The one who blames everyone if things are not in order. But to compensate and confuse my identity: I'm an unorganized artist whose creativity is driven through chaos.
A constant conflict of inner and outer world. I battle this confusion everyday. OCD wins and I start all over again. I cant, I cant shut the noise. I want to organize the books alphabetically. I want to my wardrobe arranged like a rainbow. Do I? Should I? Would I rather do something else? Why is this so confusing. I enjoy the process of organizing though it takes a toll on my time management, overpowering my day and taking a slice away from the pie. I feel like I haven't achieved anything in the day yet excitement rushes through my brains where all my nerves are working to their extreme potential. I am flying in every direction.
Wait! Wait, let's take a pause and organize my thoughts. No, I don't want to. Let me be in an indispensable world with multiple identities. I can sing, write, dance.. I'm multitasking suddenly.
Wait, can I be a partial OCD? I realized that only when I organize the physical appearance of my life can my thoughts be random and free. Evolving thoughts that age and marinate in their own broth to create a distinct and mature flavor. Though I haven't achieved much according to my task list the truth is I'm working at an unusual speed (PS: The time zone in my world works differently).
That's it. I can have both. So yes I am an OCDiot on my way to achieve wabi-sabi and back to being OCDiot. It's an organized cycle of confusion that keeps my world functioning.
Yours sincerely,
Farah Q Faizi
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